The unprivileged privileged!

I was brought up in a foreign country as a privileged millennial. I continued to believe so until I realized the truth. As soon as my siblings and I graduated from universities and were ready for the market, we were no longer welcomed to stay in the country we lived in our whole life. We can’t go back to our own and it is also difficult to be granted a proper stay in other countries. Only then we understood that we are the unprivileged privileged—we lived the best of all worlds, had the best education in our capacity, and believed we could BE.    

But no, the world is not letting us be, not because of the lack of are intelligence or qualification. We were simply doomed from birth by our origins, by our passports.  

A world of different realities.

Alright then! Another boring article on the “M” word, i.e. millennials. But hold your horses, I am not here to have the usual prejudice that we are self-entitled and individualistic narcissists, nor to parade our merits.

It’s been the usual that WE, the rest of the world, consume the American ideas. So, whenever this issue is brought up, I always think that the idea of millennialism is mostly or entirely American, yet also it’s global, thanks to globalization.

Most importantly, it is axiomatic to say that not all millennials share the experience of the American ones. Indeed, we have benefited from the different privileges of our time: boom of the internet, growing economies, relative period of peace in some countries…etc. And most importantly, we were raised by our parents with huge faith that we will BE, and that education will be our salvation. However, there are some realities we can’t escape. We are in a sense privileged, but we are too unprivileged.

Browsing the internet, a prerequisite of a millennial seems to me as certain privileges or ways of lifestyle, which might not be attainable for some unprivileged-privileged millennials, such as:

* Travel to find self: WRONG! Some of us cannot dream to travel, not only due to finances but also due to visa restrictions. So, most of the time, some of us would enjoy travelling only by second hand through travel vlogs. Many of us also don’t perceive travelling as a source of joy but as an impossible wish to achieve a decent life, aka immigration.

* Entrepreneurship and side hustle: In our countries, we face huge unemployment rates accompanied by high percentage of university graduates. You say find the solution in entrepreneurship, initiate your own start-up, or even work in different petty jobs? WRONG AGAIN! We mostly don’t live in a free world were competition is acceptable. Also, bureaucracies kill dreams before they are born.  

* Freedom to be: C’mon, be realistic! Let’s just say that we have the big P, R and S (politics, regimes, and society) which are suffocating our thoughts.

And the list goes on and on. We can’t be individualistic; we have our own sets of values where It’s not adequate to be one when you don’t incorporate all. We can’t also entirely believe in the impossible for there are realities which cannot be changed.

Did I just paint a gloomy image of the other “worlds”? If you are surprised or depressed by this realization, rest assured, we get hit by these facts in daily dosage, a bit by bit.

Disclaimer: this blog is not a call for frustration. This introduction is only a preamble of what made me!

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A manifestation of the existence of an invisible privileged-unprivileged millennial

There is a quote I like in Arabic which could be roughly translated as “I was incapacitated only by the one who asked me ‘who are you?'”.

I heard this quote for the first time in 2012 from a life coach (!). Since then, I have been lost of my own self many times, and I didn’t yet find me!

I can really say that I have been in a labyrinth since I was 23 years old. At that time, I had hopes and dreams and thought I could BE.

Slowly slowly, I came to realize that not only the world does not like us, but also it does not allow us to prove independent and capable of self-made.

The why and how is a long story which I might explain later.

Enough with venting. I hate venting. I detest hate!  

Who am I?

I am 28 years old. I’ve never shared my thoughts on social media. I have no #Instagram or #Snapchat. I’m an observer–an #introvert who cannot find her voice.

I’m so invisible I rarely put a like on a #YouTube video or #Facebook content. Couple of days ago, I commented on a movie trailer I liked on YouTube for the 1st-second time! I feel unleashed! I need to speak!

I took a pen and a paper… I rarely do so. I wrote and wrote, my thoughts were racing, jumping and pouring on the paper, for all the years I kept quiet… for all the ideas I suppressed!

I’m not unique. On the contrary, I’m very ordinary. I’m a collection of #BUTs! I’m many things. But I don’t belong. I’m #privileged but #unprivileged. I know 5 #languages, proficient in one, which I can’t properly express myself in!

I speak Arabic but I am not Middle Eastern. I feel comfortable writing in English, but I’m not a native speaker.

I’m:

Wise and fool…

Courageous and timid…

Adventurous and #prudent…

I am a #world of opposites…

So great to flood the world with my #ego, so little to shy behind a whisper.

So strong to face the world every waking moment, so fragile to bend by invisible #boundaries.

I’m #sober, yet very #drunk with the endless possibilities I could be.

I’m what I meant to be, what I shied away from being, and what I couldn’t be!

I’m a #poet who is strange to language, words, and grammar.

I’m the dreamy #melodies which kept me awake thousand nights, and then lulled me to sleep with a foolish anticipating grin on my face.

I’m ME.

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